In the depths of despair, when our darkest shadows are revealed, where do we turn?
One year ago I was living in actual hell. Smoking crystal meth most days, flitting between homelessness and reliance on an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive ex partner.
I had no money, no life, no real friends. I was ready to change my life but I was so stuck in the loop and couldn't see a way out. I remember COVID starting and the entire world around me started to close down. I had nowhere to go.
One Friday night I walked for miles and miles into the city. I didn't pass another soul. I didn't even see a single homeless person, the entire city was completely deserted... It was incredibly surreal. I walked and I walked and I walked until I fell to my knees on the steps of a church and literally cried out: "PLEASE GOD, HOW DO I MAKE THIS END??? SHOW ME THE WAY."
And after that everything changed. It was as if the entire universe conspired to get me to where I wanted to go.
The following four months were the most excruciatingly painful, humbling and absolutely terrifying days of my life. And yet they were simultaneously so incredibly beautiful.
In the depths of despair, when we have everything taken away from us, when all distractions are removed and we are stripped bare, the depths of our soul and darkest shadows revealed where do we turn?
I had never been a religious person but it was through this experience that I found my connection to God, to Source, to a Higher Power and it still continues to grow every day.
If you find yourself struggling and are lacking this connection but open to it I really encourage you to reach out and ask God/the Universe/Source (however you want to define this energy) for guidance. It's there and it is ready to help you. Say a little prayer before you go to bed, write a letter, whatever sits best with you. And the answers you're looking for will come.
(And you don't have to wait until you are wandering the streets in the middle of the night during a global pandemic to do so 😂)